I ran wherever there was a path …

It has been a few months since I have been running, regularly and irregularly, erratically, purposefully and aimlessly …

I am not sure what is with me and outdoors. Thoughts dressed in words start flowing when I am outside the confines of the usual, though usual has become a usual feature of my life these days. It is like a stream of consciousness which occurs without any control or initiation on my part. Maybe I should blame this on my feet …

This morning, I ran. I ran because I was afraid. I could cite laziness as the reason for not running, but I know I don’t run because I am afraid to run on my own. What will people think when they see me running in the neighbourhood? What if I lose my way? This morning, I ran wherever there was a path …

This morning, I ran wherever there was a path. Come to think of it, this statement has more meanings than one. I could have written instead “this morning, I ran wherever I could find a path” but this statement would not hold the power and meaning that lie in the words “this morning, I ran wherever there was path”. I did not find the path. The pathways kept opening up as I gave up on the fear of losing my way. In the process of losing, I found, or rather, the path found me.

In a way, I cannot claim that I am a writer. For that matter, I am no runner either. I am just a conduit, a happy one at that. I don’t have to do much. I just have to let things happen. Writing has been a reflexive process as words have found their way through me, most of the times effortlessly. These days, I write more consciously than I used to in the past, in the past when all that mattered was whose story I am able to tell in each entry. I never told the story. The stories narrated themselves through me. I never found the people. The people found me. I wrote because that made me who I was.

As with passions in life, some get tamed, some find new outlets. In a way, I am lost on my passion for writing. And I hope I can find it again, though how I write and what I write will have changed by the time I find myself and the words or the words find me and me finds myself.

This time, I write to find myself for I have lost me. In a way, running helps me to find myself. Words find me in every run, or at least most of the times that I have run. I lose my way during some runs, many a times happily. Some runs are mighty dreadful and deadly. I come out feeling totally smashed and wiped out. And balance is what I have to find. My feet take me along however long they can go whether the run is pleasant or dreadful or just routine or anything else. I cannot claim to write with my hands or my head. I write with my feet.

I cannot claim to be a runner for I am not one. Yet, run I do because that is what offers me solace, company and an opportunity to rediscover myself. Now, I want to run because I want to keep company with the words, with the thoughts, with the unusual. On this note, I end my first entry.

I ran wherever there was a path. I hope to run, and there will always be ways …

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About writerruns

I am lost in life. I now run to lose myself and to lose the handles I have been holding on to.
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2 Responses to I ran wherever there was a path …

  1. Ssunmonu says:

    Wow I know exactly what you’re talking about. I wouldn’t call myself a runner yet I go everyday. I never really run for long distances, just until I’m tired and I need a break. I walk it out a little bit and then run some more, going wherever the road takes me.

    I run to sort out my feelings, when I’m stressed, when I’m happy. It’s just an easy way for me to get things out of my system, to find my inner self.

    I too enjoy the outdoors. It’s just something about the wide open spaces; the fact that I am such tiny speck on the surface of this planet, in this galaxy, universe – allows my mind to soar. There’s nothing I can’t do, nothing I can’t accomplish.

    Good post.

  2. rajesh says:

    Zainab!
    Appropriately I would “ditto” your words and your run.
    Last few weeks i am on a similar spree, though my motives are more materialistic than “wordily”.
    I couldnt have expressed better!
    a little concern and caution: also work on yr knees and back, its important to hold them well for long time running.
    Keep on running!!
    Rajesh

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